What is your style of communication?

In communication between people there are often misunderstandings that can't be explained. Why don't you understand me? I asked you politely? Am I not clear to you? If people understand each other depends on their way of communication, also known as "communication styles". If people communicate to each other on different levels, misunderstandings occur.

Snavely and McNeill (2008) created a model to explain these misunderstandings. The model is called the "transactional style model". The authors examined the relationships between communicator style and social style with the goal of integrating both concepts into one model. They factor-analytically confirmed the social style dimensions and some of the communicator style dimensions and reduced the resulting components to three dimensions: emotive, assertive and relaxed. Research on communication style in cross-cultural communication has yielded a two-level model that integrates first-order and second-order dimensions. The model was not tested by Snavely and McNeill, but the University of Groningen took the chance and the testing of the model showed significant results.

The different communication styles each have their pitfalls. But changing a communication style is not easy, because it's shaped by the enviroment your grew up in, your friends, the way your parents communicated with each other, the shows you watched on tv, etc. These factors learned you unconsciously what "normal" communication is. Research of Schrodt showed that if parents are not able to communication sufficiently, their children will not be able to as well. Besides these aspects also the "downing effect" is of influence. This phenomenon explains how people overestimate themselves by for example thinking that their IQ is higher than it actually is, or that they think of themselves that they are more friendly, honest and patient that the "average" person. Statistically this is impossible and will decrease the need of urgency to change ones communication style.

Given that it is hard to change your communication style, meta-communication (communicating about the communication) helps in understanding each other when communicating on different levels. Questions can be asked such as: I have the feeling that we do not understand each other? Do you feel the same? You stress the situation and therefore are able to find a solution. Providing insight in your communication style and invest in styles that are not your own, will benefit you in your ability to communicate effectively with other people. Practice makes perfect!